panda ping pong

vicks took a sudden liking to traditional cursive writing this afternoon

and i, bored in office, decided to write something in cursive and scanned it acrossed for her.

OBVIOUSLY I HAVE STUPID HONG KONG HANDWRITING

the office is, well, moving office on friday! to the first LEED-certified office building in beijing!!!

anyway, in line with most things, my company seems to be hinting constantly on how incompatible we are.

1. my long standing colours of red/blue/gold (Anglo-Chinese) and blue/yellow (MGS) had been replaced by CB Green, which, coincidentally represents our rival schools back in the days

2. over the chinese new year raffle, i got myself a second prize, and TA-DAH! life size pink hello kitty (imitation) toy, its face was bigger than my @$$, i don’t like pink, and detest hello kitty (i do embrace fake goods once in a while. support my economy y’all!)

3. in the new office plan, my spot is labeled as ‘Vivian JK’

ok alright not funny, but, just JK (joking) lah!!!!!!!!!!!!

yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery, but today is a gift. that’s why it’s called ‘present’.

thank you master wu gui.

‘Dear Editor,

I am very interested in helping out in editorial/writing articles for XXX.

Recently, I tried my hand at a little something placed under ‘Personal Classifieds’ as a social experiment.

http://www.thebeijinger.com/index.php?a=2&b=516644

Unfortunately, my humour did not translate well with my fellow comrades who are posting the usual ‘i wants one who look star and moon with at cold night’/'you should be slim/beautiful/smart chinese woman who can show me the real meaning fo the chinese culture’. Some friends commented that it should be revved up with a one liner ‘hello, i am a s3xoholic’.

Nonetheless, I digressed. A little background:

I am an overseas chinese currently working as a real estate consultant with a renowned MNC in Beijing, occasionally writing reports for second tier cities, but mostly drowned in translation and being full-time english tutor to the teams.

Do let me know how I can help with your team and reconnect me with the English speaking world.

Oh, and of course, I do the usual non-judgemental/occasionally politically incorrect/loosely about China blog for friends back in Singapore.

http://oneoclockwonder.wordpress.com.cn/

Unfortunately I am unable to disclose my proud professional reports due to confidentiality agreements (therefore the above weak attempt to demonstrate my writing abilities), however, It is my goal is to eat through your wining/dining directory, and perhaps along the way, write several food reviews as an undercover for XXX.

Hope to hear from you soon.’

weak attempt of a cover letter/CV. sixth sense says it’s going straight to junk mail & trash can.

i think they can see through my real intent of a good-food scam.

as i reminisce over the loss of my lucky ruby ring, two ladybugs had come into my life in the past two months!

jules told me in may (where somehow, i spotted a bug while chatting with farmers in a restored buddhist temple) that chancing upon ladybugs are considered to be extremely lucky.

much less, having a ladybug in my bedroom wall tonight! i live on the 23rd floor of the Beijing CBD, oh, and i had been keeping my windows closed for the past week because of bad/hot weather?!!

man. i must be and will be very lucky indeed. w00t

mom called for a quick chat this afternoon and updated on the ‘bitches’ development at home.
mom: u know we loaned jing jing to auntie lucy’s family overnight?

me: is it?

mom: yeah, so miki and jack jack can have some time to bond. they don’t get along so well.

me: oh..jack jack don’t need to bond with jing jing?

mom: no need, they belong to the love at first sight category

me: then miki how, so poor thing

mom: yeah lor. 感情是要培养的 (read: feelings must be cultivated over time).

me: true

mom: 一见钟情是不长久的 OK!!!! love at first sight no long term ok!!!!

me: ok lor….so u commenting across the board?

mom: of cos lah. u crazy. 感情要一滴一滴的培养 (read: feelings must be cultivated ‘drop by drop’), jing jing and jack jack, this kind, won’t last long..all these love at first sight sh!t.

here are two pieces of advice to my brothers.

‘eat out don’t 打包 (da bao)
eat food must wipe your mouth’

men are wired to cheat, it’s in their nature. after being ‘one of the boys’ for an extended period of time (read: past 12 years), i had come to know that there’s no way any woman, angelina jolie-esque or not, can shut off the system which was built for survival.

the only procedure we know so far is called an elective tran-sexual surgery.

yes why am i not helping out my female-kind, yada yada yada. it’s because my female-kind had battered themselves over and over again, baffled by and came up with ridiculous reasons (such as, is it the pair of shorts i wore last week? or maybe it’s my coffee-tainted breathe etc) to seek emotional balance.

the worse kind of traumatising oneself post ’discovery’ is to surround herself with similar company, each of them coming up with conspiracy theories of her own. scaring themselves shit-less when it is simply just, nature.

so, if it is nature’s ageold way of primal survival which we cannot fight with (most agreed by men), layered with modern day intelligence (ie evolved, mature women), the least we can do is to find a common ground where ignorance is bliss. so please, do not leave traces of evidents. wipe. your. mouth.

that said, women should abide by the same principle. be strong. act tough.

please lah, anyone eat chicken rice everyday also sian. a bowl of bak kut teh here and some satays there make us more appreciative of chicken rice. i also want.

in response to my dear engineers, the ‘bead it up-down-up-down’ way had been translated to a pair of earrings i own.

somehow, the earring will be maximised four times its current size to become a necklace (exhibit A).

and of cos the ‘cylindrical’ centrepiece will be a tear drop pearl (exhibit B).

doktortoe, only the best for you. i will kill (yes. really) to make the end products look right.

one of my dearest friends is getting married come july and i offered my services as a ’so(u)rcerer’ for her bridesmaides’ jewelry.

given the availability of cultured pearls, labour and proximity to my home, i’ve established my favourite store and commissioned my storegirl to make several simple pieces on previous occasions.

and what i had learnt most importantly is to Give. Specific. Instructions.

thanks to my friend, who’s a marine engineer dealing with vaults and pipes on a daily basis, she was able to draw out her preferred style on microsoft excel spreadsheets, employing the most straight forward Autoshapes tools to convey her thoughts in a very clean and precise manner.

hmmm doktortoe, how come your centerpiece pearl is cylindrical???!!! ‘i cannot find any other shapes la’

and to my afternoon delight, her engineer sister had contributed her own instruction for pearl assembly:

‘another idea if you need more is probably something like this (enter sample pic), but beads with an up-down-up-down manner. Both sides meet at the middle with a cluster of beads and a pearl hanging down?

just connect the dots.

that’s if your beader is able to do this.’

hahahahahahahahahah

gotta love engineers for their descriptive imaginations.

a recent phenomenon occurred over the past two weeks:

i had graduated from an early twenties-er (read: tea-ser) to a mid-twenties-er (read: tease-r. hopefully i am a better one at it now that age is supposed to have shed another layer of innocence).

given the striking resemblance i have to my mother physically, as most people would comment, i am both glad and sad to say that my current 25 year old life does not remotely draws a parallel to hers. if it does, i would have a 2 year-old baby daughter, but yet, found the love of my life. (funny how the parents are finally living the couple life 26 years after they were wed. yup, they fell pregnant with me first year of marriage.)

nonetheless, it’d been a pretty charmed life so far. blessed with family pouring out unconditional love at any hours of the day, friends whom i can lean on and somehow, quoting from jaybo ‘viv, you are lucky to always, without fail, meet genuinely nice people’. in addition, it’s not as if i had ever been unemployed, nor suffers the perils of agonizing over food, roof over head, transport. 衣食住行 had never been too shabby. in fact, not too shabby at all.

that being said, personal life had come to a standstill. time waits for no woman.

‘one day wasted not going after action, is another day wasted not getting any action’

so as a social experiment, i put this up.

ET said ‘look babe, i know the people who put these ads up as a joke, but i worry for you. i don’t know the people who actually respond to these ads’

‘one day wondering who would reply to these ads, is another day not finding out who they actually are.’

as i laughed at previous grammatically incorrect, and content-unsuitable-for-the-young-mind personal ads, now i am amused by the responses i get. they seemed normal, but not as many crazies and not as large a volume as i thought they would be.

in quick response, DT kindly advised ‘oei, ur ad is not s3xed up enough.’, and another friend AT ‘ayah. all you need is ‘hello, i am s3x-holic’

while that may catch more attention, it is not my intended audience. i believe staunchly in representing oneself with politeness, wit, eccentricity and humour, particularly in black & white (yes, even on the New Media).

don’t judge me.

and chill, yours truly is not that desperate. yet. always remember that it’s a social experiment. who, otherwise, among our circle of friends would proudly claim this quarter-life crisis management prize (yes, i m too old and lazy to physically go on a prowl, so i do it in the comfort of my home).

jacky and his new bitches

poor jack jack. he looks..very very disoriented and ready to explode

so apparently the family’s getting a new puppy this weekend. it’s a maltese from someone. yes it’s a girl.

and we are in the midst of contributing possible names which will accompany our little friend for life (next 18 years).

me: uhhh how about holly

sis: mum cannot pronounce la. she said: “holly shit”

msn tarot card reading:

Today, the World and the Pope will be contributing to the enhancement of your personal prestige and your magnetism vis-à-vis the people who are close to you, dear Vivian. You have all the cards in your hands to attract those around you who are worth it, and ultimately to make an impact, gracefully but with panache. No need to procrastinate, charm is your best ally! Professionally, you’re ready to slam the door of the Tower that employs you and set off to conquer the new World! Your current situation doesn’t allow you to fulfill your potential, and you are now becoming aware of this. You’re dreaming of travel, study, and different professional experiences. Row your boat in the direction that draws you, for any move forward right now will be a positive one.

astrology.com

This morning, Vivian, you could look around and see nothing but piles of papers that you have no use for at this time. Therefore you might just go through them like a house afire, wanting to clear out as much clutter as you can. This is always good, as a cluttered house parallels a cluttered mind. However, make certain you at least scan something before discarding it. You don’t want to throw something out you may need later.

from the bff

A conflict between career obligations and responsibilities at home could present itself today, dear Gemini. You’re likely to feel totally powerless in the situation, so it could make you feel irritable and snappish. Try to think clearly and find a solution for your conundrum, then act on it. Avoid the temptation to quarrel with others. In the evening: go for a good workout, whether dancing or jogging! Work off some of that frustrated energy!

bubbles shared this with me:

‘Your knight in shining armour is somewhere out there and God has already started the work to bring you together. Be patient and faithful to Him. In return he has promise to give you the desires of your heart and bless you out of your boots.’

sometimes, one has to be kind. to oneself, and unto others. 

‘grow old with me, the best is yet to be. the last of life, for which the first was made.’ (yes i m taking this from school motto again)

perhaps in ending a relationship, it provides an opportunity for either one to meet the love of his/her life with a clean slate. and that shall be the greatest gift he/she gives to the other person, that shall be a resolution in salvaging all the love that was supposed to be ‘lost’ when the stop button was pushed.

in line with that, bubbles shared something else

‘let the love of his/her life prepares and moulds him/her into the person that he/she needs to be’

till then, we should channel our forces into nuturing our minds and bodies in preparation to that one moment, one split second, when the love of our lives sprout out unknowingly.

who hadn’t had a hit put ur hands up.

friendX: weed is so yesterday, hash is the new black.

w00t.

me: sigh. i think i will be an old maid. still single at 25

mom: you have someone waiting for you here remember?

me: is it? who

mom: someone out there in space. ET. hahah

me: ………………………. not funny mom

my little brother kw had finally grown up.

commenting on several vague issues in life, in general, he said

‘ah well… then if it not meant to be… then it aint meant to be coz the best is yet to be‘

indeed. our hearts our hopes our aims are one, no discord e’er will sever.

the cleverness of a school motto is dependent on how well and often one can adapt it into real life situations. and of course, the school song. i dare say everyone from this fine instituition can sing this in his/her drunkest, darkest hours.

one grand rmb well spent. been going for hot yoga for past three weeks consistently.

been encouraged by my bikram champion of a yoga instructor and fellow classmates to lighten up and wear, less clothings, for class.

alright. fair enough. for a start, no one else wear anything much anyway. these women who comes in all shapes and sizes are letting their bits hang out. honestly, it was refreshing.

so, after being self conscious for the first time, i m actually quite okay wearing something like a bikini stretching and sweating for 90 min straight.

perhaps after 25 years, one should be finally comfortable in her own skin. yay.